Awful older sibling
by Time to show off bad fanfics
Summary: Lifty deals with having an older brother who constantly leaves him for dead and does not appreciate the great self restraint Lifty goes through to avoid leaving with some far better guy.
1. Chapter 1

The rain poured down like sheets of ice water, already seeming to coat that town in an icy vice. Most of the town's residents were asleep save for the lone figure walking down a rather dark street on the way to his apartment building. He was seemingly out of place, ice clinging to his soaked forest green fur, striped tail dragging behind him as he didn't even bother to try and avoid getting himself any dirtier. After all he wasn't the one who had run off with all the money, nope, he was the 'distraction' and his older twin was the one to take the van and race back home.

His feet sloshed through a particularly deep slushy puddle and he found himself not really caring if he got sick after this, they should have enough to not have to pull off another heist for a while. Lifty stifled a yawn, stretching his shoulders slightly and still feeling the imprints of where he had gotten his ass handed to him. The ONE time they rob Petunia is during a tea party. He went to rub his face, careful of his swollen left eye which he could thank Lammy for later. Or maybe just for once Shifty could get back at them for him. Lifty gave an annoyed growl at the thought of his brother, wishing that he could have waited two minutes before driving off. And just guessing.. he'd already used up the hot water.

Lifty continued his march of sulking and annoyance right on up to their apartment door, knocking on the door for his dumbass brother heard. The young raccoon huffed his already being sopping wet not adding to the pleasantness of the evening. With a loud click the many locks on the door unlatched and the door swung open to show Shifty standing there smug.

''Took you long enough! I'm surprised no one saw you on the way over here.'' Shifty snickered at him as he trudged inside, dripping water all over the already pretty ruined carpet of their shared apartment. The younger twin only huffed as he went to the bathroom, picking up a towel off the floor to start trying to rub the ice out of his fur.

''I'm still pissed at you Shifty!'' He scowled and rubbed the towel harder against his forest green fur, feeling the cloth already be rather soaked. Lifty tossed the towel down, opening the cupboard to look for another and not looking up as he heard Shifty walk into the doorway.

''It was either wait for you or lose everything. You should have run a bit faster there.'' He sounded annoyed as well but honestly when wasn't he annoyed at something Lifty was doing wrong? Lifty rolled his eyes, pulling out a fresh towel and starting to rub at his ears to avoid them falling off from frostbite again. Actually he was still pissed about that heist going wrong too!

''Well maybe one time you can at least try to wait? I got my ass handed to me back there and-" Lifty paused, closing his eyes as he sneezed, shaking his head and sending a fair amount of water about the room. "And I think I might get sick too."

"Well it's not my fault you tripped!'' Shifty scoffed, turning and leaving Lifty to dry himself off as he went to go count their loot most likely. Lifty found himself not really caring as he continued his work. And once he found himself to be just a little damp he slipped out of the bathroom into the bedroom, Shifty hadn't decided to go to bed yet so Lifty decided on some minor revenge by taking their one shitty mattress for tonight. His brother would be more than comfortable on the couch. Lifty snickered a little and then curled up and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Shifty awoke to the sound of coughing, groaning in annoyance as he glanced over to the clock on the coffee table and finding it to be only 9 in the morning. He knew he never got up this early and sat up a little, yawning as he heard the hacking again, coming from he and Lifty's bedroom. The raccoon stretched a little before getting off the couch, yawning again as he walked over to the bedroom, opening the door and peaking his head in. Lifty was sitting up in bed, coughing into his elbow and looking awful, Shifty assumed that he'd gotten a cold or something on the way back last night.

''You alright, Lift?'' Shifty stepped in the room, wincing as Lifty coughed again and sounding like he was trying to hack up a lung. The younger twin groaned once he was done coughing, patting himself on the chest to try and ease the burning sensation in his chest whilst being snarky.

''Yeah. I'm just fucking fi-'' Lifty was cut off by another coughing fit, nearly doubling over. Shifty quickly hurried to his side, rubbing Lifty's back to try and help somewhat but being shoved away by a rather annoyed Lifty. The raccoon sniffled and tugged the blankets up over his shoulders, trying to ignore the urge to keep on coughing to yell at Shifty. ''I think I need to go to the doctor.''

Shifty pulled his hand away from Lifty, frowning at his twin as he crossed his arms and tried not to seem annoyed. ''Dude we just risked our asses for that money. I'm sure you'll be fine.''

He rolled his eyes at his brothers cheapness, laying back down in bed and curling up more underneath the blanket. His fur felt hot and his head and chest were sore as anything, Lifty hoped that just for today Shifty would be able to let him just sleep. ''Fine asshole. But get me some aspirin before my head explodes. And no heists for a while.''

Lifty listened to Shifty grumble and walk out, the younger twin hoping that was a yes he said and just trying to focus on getting back to sleep despite his aches and pains. In the kitchen Shifty was digging through the cupboards, looking through several of the medications they had(more than a few having been stolen from a certain green bear) in hopes that something was useful against colds. He grabbed a box of Dayquil and some aspirin, making a note to snatch some up next time they went to someone's house. He came back in with Lifty in the middle of coughing again, sounding something awful as Shifty sat the glass of water down on the box serving as the nightstand, handing Lifty the bottle of medicine after.

He snatched up the medicine as soon as Shifty sat it down, wiping away some of his drool on the back of his hand and unscrewing the top to dump 3 pills in his paw. Lifty set the bottle down and reached for the glass, popping a pill into his mouth and quickly swallowing them one by one before he set the water down. His stomach didn't really feel right to be drinking even water at the moment. The younger twin stifled a yawn, moving to rub at his head as he laid back down in the bed. No way was he giving it back to Shifty now, the last thing he needed was to be sleeping on the couch or for Shifty to be as sick as he was. Luckily for him though Shifty didn't really seem to care, standing up and stretching before heading out the door.

''I'm going out for a bit Lift!" Shifty called out as he headed to the door, Lifty's response cut short by the sound of the front door opening and closing. Ugh. What a jerk.

Shifty stepped out in the rather dim sunlight of the day, noting that it was kind of cold and miserable out today. He looked down the street and at the rather run down convenience store waiting at the end of the block. The raccoon turned and walked down the side walk, avoiding several iced over puddles as he went. The last thing he needed was to slip and fall in the road, sometimes he just wasn't in the mood to get run over.

The automatic doors slid open with only a bit of blood flying everywhere from the remains of what looked like Toothy smeared all over them. There was some sympathy to be had to those who died this early in the day. Shifty walked inside the store, glancing over to the register and seeing The Mole trying to scan a box of some sugary candy. Nutty was standing there as well with a concerned expression, Shifty wondered absentmindedly how long they had been there and how long he'd have to snatch some things up.

He didn't really feel the need to sneak around seeing as how the staff was preoccupied and there wasn't anyone else here. The raccoon was soon walking back to the front of the store, several items hidden under his hat and several more being held in his arms. He glanced over to the register again, Nutty laying dead and in several places with The Mole struggling to scan his head. Shifty snickered a little and walked outside, feeling rather satisfied with how easily this had gone and ready to go home.

"Hey!" He froze as he heard that far too familiar voice, scowling at the blue squirrel that had swooped down to land right in front of him. Giving him an accusatory look.

"What is it?" Shifty sighed at having his good mood ruined, trying to walk around the super hero but stopped by Splendid keeping in front of him.

"I know you stole that stuff!"

"And how exactly do you know that?"

"Just a hero's intuition!" He leaned back to float in the air. "And your reputation of course."

"It's cause I'm a raccoon isn't it?"

"What? No!" Splendid landed again, a little uncomfortable.

"Suuure it isn't." Shifty rolled his eyes, fighting back the urge to grin.

"I've caught you stealing before! Multiple times!"

"Well I haven't stolen anything. I'm trying to change, alright?"

"I find that hard to believe."

"Because I'm a-"

"No not because of that!" Splendid snapped at him, cutting him off.

"Then what is the hold up?"

"I'm trying to stop you and your brother from robbing everyone!"

"Lifty isn't here."

"Oh. Er, sorry.." He looked away and Shifty quickly spoke again.

"No he's not dead. He's just sick. I'm picking some stuff up for him?"

"Oh!" Splendid seemed a little surprised at that fact, looking at Shifty oddly. "That's.. That is very nice of you Shifts! A nice change of pace from your usual attitude!"

"Don't call me that. And I know. I'm like mother freaking Teresa here."

"It's almost a heroic thing to do! Maybe I'm rubbing off on you." Splendid smiled and nudged Shifty in the side with an elbow, nearly knocking him over.

"Yeah! Maybe I'll start killing people trying to help them too!" The super squirrel did not take kindly to that comment.

"Hey! It's not like they'll die permanently!"

"Yeah, I'm sure they love it! I mean I know I enjoyed you killing me."

"That was in self defense!"

"Oh woe is me!" Shifty spoke in a imitation of Splendid's voice. "I can't possibly stand that rock! Time to boil Shifty and Lifty alive! Hope this isn't in vain and I accidentally kill myself a few minutes later!"

Splendid frowned at him, crossing his arms with a huff. "At least I don't die every single day."

"I don't have your powers dude. I do alright for myself. I usually live through like 30% of days."

The hero started to respond when the sound of tires screeching sounded, the two looking over to see a large truck barreling down the road, rushing past Shifty's apartment building with only a minimum amount of blood spraying up along the side.. Russell's head fell out the window and the two watched as it continued driving along, whooshing past them and the convenience store.

"See you Shifts!" Splendid yelled before racing off to catch the truck, Shifty hardly needing to think twice before he ran back to his apartment building, just getting back inside when he heard the truck blow up. Would it be too much to ask to hope there was enough force to at least knock Splendid out?


	3. Chapter 3

Lifty awoke to a pill bottle knocking against his head, groaning as he pressed his face into the pillow to avoid having to look at his twin. Who he was sure was in the room now getting ready to be a jerk to him.

"So Lift." Ah, there it was. "I know you're sick an all, but we kind of have plans today remember?'' Shifty grinned at Lifty as if he expected him to get up and just head off with him to.. was it Petunia's house today? He didn't know and didn't really care.

"No. I'm tired and I think if I even try to get up I'm going to puke all over the floor." Lifty lifted his head to yawn, jumping slightly as he felt Shifty's paws on his cheeks and seeing his brother sitting next to him.

"Please? I'll let you drive?" The sick raccoon frowned, pulling his face away and rubbing his cheek on the back of his paw as if Shifty was the sick one.

"No you said that last time. Bro I'm sick let me sleep." He growled and turned away, trying to snuggle up under the covers and fall asleep. If Shifty thought he was going to leave this bed then he was out of his mind.

-10 minutes later-

Lifty coughed into his sweater again, feeling absolutely awful and the cold window he was leaning his head against only slightly helping his fever. He watched the scenery pass as Shifty drove them to Petunia's house, wiping the glass occasionally when his breath fogged it up. Though it's not as if the groggy winter scenery was anything to look at.

Shifty pulled the van to a rather sudden stop a house or two down from Petunia's, Lifty rubbing his head as he scowled at his brother. "Did you have to park here? I can barely walk as it is."

"Come on you don't have to carry anything just be on look out." Shifty got out of the van and Lifty did the same, albeit a lot more slower since he didn't want to aggravate his migraine and it was pretty cold out today.

"Fine. You're sure she's not here right? I got my ass handed to me yesterday." He sighed, stepping into the few inches of dirty slush that covered the side of the road before walking to the sidewalk.

"Yeah don't worry. I checked the schedule and it's TODAY that she's going out."

"Cause you're so good at keeping track of tha- Ow!" Lifty moved to rub his arm where Shifty had punched him and decided to flip him off as well.

"Yesterday was a mix up, don't be a smartass about it." He rolled his eyes and looked at the house they were now in front of, Shifty heading to the side of the house without missing a beat. Lifty followed behind him, wincing as he walked through her snow covered yard.

Shifty was waiting for him with a window already wide open, grinning at him before he hoisted himself up and inside the house. The sick twin followed once more, tumbling onto the floor of the kitchen with a small groan of pain, his achy joints were not meant to be breaking and entering at the moment. Not to mention his stomach felt sick already, he needed to make sure not to move around so fast for a while. He felt Shifty grab his paw and pull him back up to his feet before grabbing his ear to yank his head towards him somewhat.

"Don't be banging around idiot. You're going to get us caught." Shifty harshly whispered, his twin yanking his head away to rub at his ear with an irritated expression.

"I thought she wasn't here?" Lifty fought back the urge to cough, not wanting his brother to get annoyed that he might possibly be dying.

"Well she's not supposed to be, but it doesn't hurt to be careful." He huffed and turned, opening a drawer and digging through the contents. Mostly just finding an assortment of large knives.

"Oh please since when are you-" Lifty was going to continue but both of the twin were soon startled by a loud scream, looking over to the door way of the kitchen to see a certain blue skunk standing there. Shifty and Lifty were kind of shocked still, only snapping out of their stupor when she stormed towards them, looking pissed as hell.

''What do you two think you're doing here!? Didn't I just kick you out!?" She got to Lifty first, grabbing him by the front of his sweater and shaking him in a way that did not go well with his headache or his stomach. In fact, his stomach was really upset right now to the point where it felt like he was going to be sick.

Petunia stopped shaking him to speak again, Lifty going wide eyed for a moment before he proceeded to empty his stomach all over her front. She recoiled back with a screech that could bust eardrums, Shifty hardly able to get out of the way in time before she slipped in the puddle of sick on the floor. Her paw reached out for the open drawer to catch herself and ended up just pulling it out of the cabinet, sending a terrifying amount of knives up and into the air.

The three of them all saw the knives go up and braced themselves for a sharp bloody death, the knives soon clacking against the floor with screams of pain mysteriously absent. Shifty opened one eye, looking around the kitchen to see the knives scattered about the floor, having completely missed all of them. Petunia was shaking and hyperventilating as she scrambled up to her feet, Lifty's puke trailing off of her all the way to where the younger raccoon sat on the floor wiping off his face with the sleeves of his already ruined sweater. With no one seemingly wounded Shifty allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief.

It was at that moment that the roof caved in, rumble coming down in great pieces right on top of Petunia and sending the girl splattering all over the kitchen and the two thieves. Dust filled the kitchen and Shifty could hear Lifty coughing to an even greater extent than earlier. He shook his head, reaching a hand up to brush a few stray pebbles off of the brim of his fedora as the dust started to clear.

"What seems to be the issue citizens?" Oh no.

Splendid was standing on top of the pile of rubble in all his superhero glory, not seeming to really register the blood that had splattered all over his paws as he kept up a heroic stance. Lifty managed to stop coughing to open his eyes, looking up to see the last person he wanted to see standing there.

"Shifty this is your fault."


	4. Chapter 4

Splendid stopped smiling the second he saw the two thieves, both covered in blood and debris from his landing. He sighed, having sort of expected to run into Shifty again after early today. The squirrel stepped off the pile of roofing to walk over to Shifty, picking up the raccoon by the scruff of his neck. Though he was careful not to break it like last time.

"Didn't I just talk to you today?" He frowned at Shifty, barely budging as the thief struggled to get free from his grasp, though after a few coarse words Splendid did let him go to drop on the floor. It was also at that point he noticed the amount of gore he had just dropped him into, Splendid pausing for a moment before glancing down and seeing bits of dark blue fur peeking out from under the rubble. Heh.. Whoops!

"Didn't anyone ever teach _you_ not to drop people into piles of guts?!" Shifty grit his teeth, standing back up and kicking away the section of intestines on the floor below him. Great now he can get blood _and_ meat out of his fur tonight. Assuming he lives that long with Splendid around.

"What are you two doing here? I heard screaming?" Splendid narrowed his eyes at Shifty, deciding to hover over the floor to avoid the remains of Petunia.

"It was Lifty." Shifty quickly sold his brother out, pointing over at Lifty who was still on the floor trying to catch his breath.

"You told me he was sick."

"He is! And just was. All over skunky. That's why she freaked." Shifty couldn't help but snicker a little at that.

"Gross." Splendid winced, getting a few more centimeters off the floor to avoid any other unsightly bodily fluids. "Is he okay?"

"I think? Hey Lift? You alright?" Shifty turned to shout at his twin, the younger raccoon doubled over and only managing to weakly flip Shifty off in response. "Yep. He's good."

"Oh. Good. Wait no! Not good! Why are you two even here?" Splendid reminded himself that he is supposed to be fighting crime, not asking crime if they were alright and maybe needed to take a seat!

"Why do you think dumbass?" Shifty rolled his eyes and turned away from Splendid, walking over to Lifty and obviously hesitant to try and touch him.

Lifty just groaned in pain, clutching at his stomach and barely even moving once Shifty went to pat him on the back. "Lift you alright?"

"No. I think my stomach is going to come up." Lifty stuttered the words out, obviously in need of help and sparking Splendid's heroic instinct, the blue squirrel slowly coming over.

"Do you need some help there?" He asked, ignoring the scowl Shifty was giving him.

"N-no." He grit his teeth, whole body seizing up for a moment before he puked again and sent the two other boys scrambling backwards. Lifty dry heaved for a few moments, positive that everything was out of his system before he tried to sit up as he really did not want to land face first in puke today. He felt someone's paws on his shoulders pulling him up, Lifty being grateful for that for once before he turned to see Splendid helping him.

The raccoon pulled himself away from Splendid fast enough to make his vision swirl for a moment, but he luckily reached out a paw and felt Shifty grab him. He got to his feet slowly, shaking and aching all over and wanting nothing more than to get off his blood and vomit stained sweater and go take a shower. Lifty wobbled a bit, Splendid darting over to wrap an arm around his waist to stop him from falling and although Lifty despised the contact Shifty was rather glad he didn't have to touch Lifty too much.

Splendid on the other hand didn't really want to touch Lifty either. He knew he wouldn't get sick but still it was weird to have half of your arch nemesis duo sick and needing your help. It just wasn't normal to have only one raccoon up and about and need to carry the other. Lifty didn't seem to be fairing too well and Splendid didn't like seeing him like this. Not one bit. Where is the justice in fighting someone who was so sick?

"Want to help him to the van, hero?" Shifty said the last word very sarcastically, glancing down at Petunia's body once more before he started to walk to the front door. One good thing about being a thief is you always end up knowing the layout of everyone's house. Splendid only rolled his eyes and looked down at Lifty, hoisting the thief up into his arms to carry him bridal style.

"You okay?" Gross. Splendid almost sounded concerned.

"No. I'm sick and puking everywhere. Do I look okay?" Lifty brought his filthy sleeve covered paw up again to cough, sounding like half of his lung capacity was just gunk. Splendid frowned, looking up to see Shifty gone out the wide open door.

"Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No I just need to get home." Lifty sniffled and Splendid ducked a little to get out the doorway, looking around before he saw Shifty getting in the van. He sped over to the passenger's side and managed to open the door without dropping Lifty. Splendid set the raccoon down in the seat, only now feeling the mess from Lifty's sweater on his chest and still feeling worried for some reason as Lifty only curled up once in the seat.

"I'll come check in on him alright?" He tried to seem nice, Shifty repaying his kindness with a disgusted look.

"No you will not! He's fine. This happens to _normal_ people." Splendid moved back and shut the door, the van soon speeding off down the street and leaving Splendid realizing that he needed to find a way to wash all this blood out before he could return to his hero duties.


	5. Chapter 5

The van jerked to a stop in front of the apartment building, Shifty turning to Lifty who was still curled up in the passenger seat clutching his stomach. Shifty made a mental note to have Lifty help him once he was feeling better to get the mess out of the seats. He sighed and got out of the van, walking over to Lifty's side to open the door since he knew Lifty would probably need help getting up to their apartment. Very reluctantly he reached into the van to grab Lifty's paw, helping him out of the car and getting ready to run away should Lifty seem like he was going to spew.

"You feeling alright there?" He asked, wincing as Lifty stumbled and ended up leaning heavily on Shifty and smearing blood all over him to an even great extent.

"I think it would better if I just die, I think my brain's frying anyways." Lifty groaned, clutching at handfuls of his brothers fur as the two of them trudged over to the front door.

"Don't be stupid. Who's going to clean the car if you're dead?" Blood dripped onto the floor of the lobby as they stepped inside, Lifty frowning at Shifty who only gave him a sly grin.

"The same asshole who wanted me to work while sick."

"Hey, I did all the work yesterday. You owe me one."

"I think I repaid for it by distracting them." He gestured to his still rather swollen eye.

"Yeah and ending up getting yourself sick."

"It's not like anything was topping you from waiting at the end of the block."

Shifty didn't respond to that, leading Lifty to the elevator and hoping that it was working for once. The door dinged as it opened up and the two stepped on, both a little wary seeing as last time they had ridden it they had both ended up crushed to death at the bottom. Lifty leaned against the wall once the doors slid shut, trying to avoid feeling any sicker as they rode up to the fifth floor. He wobbled for a moment as the elevator jerked to a stop, feeling his anxiety sky rocket for a moment before he saw that they had both made it safely up. The doors opened again and Shifty grabbed Lifty's paw, quickly leading him out of the elevator before any accidents could happen.

"I think we need to get you in the shower." Shifty said, grimacing as Lifty leaned back on him and got blood and bile all over his side.

"I think we both need to. I'm not the only one covered in gore."

"Yeah, landlord's going to have a field day with the carpets." Lifty couldn't help but laugh at that a little, seeing as how they were being threatened with eviction every other week yet every other day they were ruining something or another. They were both confident they could end up burning the place down and still not get kicked out.

"I hope you know that I am not taking the blame for that again." He smiled but soon went back to clutching his stomach as it seemed to lurch, slowing down for a moment and feeling Shift loosen his grip on him.

"Take it easy. Don't want to be puking again." Shifty rubbed Lifty's back, shushing him slightly as Lifty groaned, holding his stomach as they reached the apartment. The door creaked as it opened, Shifty tugging him along at a faster pace to avoid them dripping more blood onto the carpet than was necessary. Lifty stepped into the bathroom first, careful not to slip on any of the blood covering his paws as he moved to lean against the counter top. Shifty let him go to turn the shower on, waiting for the water to get hot as he turned back to Lifty.

"Here I'll go first and then help you or whatever. You can at least just rinse off on your own right?" He asked as he reached up to take off his hat, carefully setting it down on the counter.

"Yeah I'm fine on my own Shift. I might just need help back to bed." Lifty huffed at the thought of needing to be taken care of by Shifty of all people. He turned away and started to pull off his sweater, not really liking the feel of the filth saturated cloth against his fur. Just for some weird reason blood and puke were not very pleasant.

Shifty nodded at that before he got in the shower, working quickly to avoid wasting any hot water as he dug out bits of meat from his fur. The water going down the drain was a diluted red for the majority of Shifty's time in there and after 2 minutes of trying Shifty gave up on trying to get the scent of copper off his paws. He stepped out of the shower, shaking himself off slightly to get most of the water out of his far too thick winter coat before he turned to Lifty. His twin was half asleep leaning against the counter and Shifty was not in the mood to try and shake him awake.

"Lift! Get in dumbass you can sleep once you don't smell like roadkill." Shifty shouted at the other thief, Lifty only starting a little before he looked up at Shifty who looked as if he had forgotten how bad blood smelled and was regretting being in the same room as Lifty.

Lifty grumbled and stood up, wobbling over to the shower and soon getting in. He leaned against the wall and let the water pouring down on him do most of the work, only starting to rub soap into his fur once his head had stopped hurting to a degree. After he was sure that he wasn't too blood soaked Lifty turned the water off, feeling the need to sit down to avoid passing out and seriously contemplating skipping drying off to just head straight to bed. Sheets be damned.

"Shift you got a towel?" Lifty placed one paw on the side of the shower, slowly getting out of the shower and avoiding any blood on the floor as he looked around. Of course his stupid brother had left him all on his own. The raccoon carefully walked to the door, still sopping wet as he didn't feel like shaking himself off would do well for head. He cracked the door open and peaked his head out, now wondering where Shifty could have gotten off to.

"Shifty?" If had somehow gotten himself killed in that short amount of time Lifty was seriously going to be pissed.

"Hold on I'm getting you one!" He sighed in relief as he heard Shifty's voice, stepping back into the bathroom to avoid dripping on the carpet and feeling his paw land right in a puddle of blood. Lifty yelped as he felt himself slip, reaching back to grip at the counter and avoid smashing his head open, though he did end up falling back into the pool of blood. Letting out a shaky sigh he let go of the counter to rub his head, the fall having reawakened his headache with a vengeance.

"You're going to have to rinse off again." Lifty looked up to see his brother standing there with a towel in his hands and looking a little amused. He stepped in and set the towel on the counter, grabbing hold of Lifty's paw and helping the other to his feet. Shifty lead him back the shower and turned it on, Lifty climbing in without waiting for the water to heat up again. He mostly just needed to focus on getting the new blood out of his tail but after about a minute his head was aching to the point where he didn't really care and he shut the water off again.

The second he had stepped out of the shower Shifty was draping a towel over his shoulders, rubbing to help get the water out of his forest green fur. Lifty rolled his eyes and tugged the towel closer to himself, carefully stepping over the blood on the floor this time as he headed out to the bedroom. Shifty let him go, not so worried that he could hurt himself on the way there and glanced down at the mess on the floor, sighing before he went to the kitchen to get a trash bag and paper towels.


	6. Chapter 6

Splendid sighed as he over looked the town from his perch atop his base, avoiding glancing at the smoldering crater that was his latest attempt at heroism. At least he had saved the cat! The squirrel sighed and leaned back, rubbing at his arm as he realized it was rather cold out today despite how close to the sun he was. Heck no wonder that house had caught fire everyone was trying to stay warm! If you had to be in this weather you'd probably get sick.

"Wait a minute.." Splendid paused, feeling reminded of something by that last thought but not really remembering what exactly he was supposed to do. Sick.. Did he need to go to the hospital or something? Or..

Splendid jumped up into the air as he remembered. Right he was supposed to go see Lifty! The poor guy was sick with the flu or something, he had looked pretty bad when he last saw him and it would not be very heroic to just not care how he was doing! He glanced around the town, smiling as he caught sight of the twins apartment building. With a hum of his tune he began speeding off towards the apartment building.

The sun was already starting to set as he headed off so he made up for lost time with a bit of extra speed, satisfied that he was already pretty close to their place. He slowed a little as he heard a honk from the street below, glancing down and waving back at Giggles who seemed very happy to see him. Splendid looked back up and didn't have enough time to slow down as he busted through a window, dropping down onto the floor as he tumbled into the apartment.

He grumbled and shook his head, glancing around at the glass covered living room and hoping he didn't disturb anyone. The hero sighed in relief as nothing besides the window seemed to be damages, standing up and turning to the direction of the bedroom. He started slightly as he saw Shifty standing there, a large shard of glass jutting out of his neck and blood bubbling out his mouth as he tried to speak before keeling over.

"Oh shit!" Splendid raced over to Shifty's side, panicking at the amount of blood spilling out onto the carpet and not hesitating to yank out the glass. Shifty gurgled some unintelligible words out, paws moving up to clutch at his sliced open throat as he writhed in pain. His breath came in short gasps and Splendid scrambled to find a way to fix this, he needed a way to close the wound or he'd bleed out! He didn't have to tools to stitch it or cauterize it in time though. Wait.. cauterize!

Splendid pulled Shifty's paws out of the way and ignored the raccoon's terrified expression as he fired his laser vision right at the gash in his neck. He pulled away and let go of Shifty's paws to survey his work, feeling his heart drop as Shifty's head rolled across the floor. Well.. At least he had stopped the bleeding. At the cost of also carving a rather large hole into the floor of the apartment as well. He hoped that the tenant below didn't mind.

He stood up and picked up Shifty's body, tossing it over his shoulder before picking up his head as well and flying over to the couch to set him down in as natural a position as he could. He didn't want to be scaring Lifty now! Speaking of Lifty though that was the reason he had come over and with Shifty now dead Splendid assumed it was now his job to monitor the sick raccoon until tomorrow at least.

The super squirrel turned away from Shifty's corpse to head off to the bedroom, resolving to clean up the mess once he took care of Lifty or made sure that he was feeling better at least. He walked to the bedroom, creaking open the door and seeing Lifty sitting up as rubbing at his eyes, obviously having just woken up.

"Hey Lifter!" Splendid said, letting himself in and not seeming to care about the shocked expression Lifty was now giving him.

"Splendid?! What the fuck are you doing in my house?!" He shouted, wincing as he realized that volume did not go well with his headache.

"I just came to check on you! You were really sick earlier and I wanted to make sure you're alright."

"I'm fine! Leave!" He hissed out in a much quieter tone.

"No I have to watch you now until Shifty gets back. Hope you're not mad..?" Splendid gave him a nervous smile, obviously not wanting to admit that he just killed Shifty.

"What? Where is he? I know for a fact he would never let _you_ in here willingly."

"Well, er, he's sort of out of commission right now you know? And since you're so sick it's my duty to watch you."

"You killed Shifty?!" Lifty shouted again, not really caring about his headache in that moment.

"I didn't mean to! Honest!"

"Ugh. I can't believe this shit." Lifty groaned and laid back down, bringing a paw up to cover his eyes and avoid looking at Splendid anymore than was necessary.

"Look I'm sorry Lift. I just want to help! Here let me see you." He hovered above Lifty, reaching down to press the back of his paw to his forehead no matter how much the raccoon tried to move away from his touch.

"You're burning up! Here let's get you some medicine." Splendid moved back to stand by Lifty's bed looking around before deciding he needed to head off to find something to treat his fever. He stepped out of the room and walked to the kitchen, careful of the blood on the floor both his fault and not. After a few moments of digging through the cabinets and assuring himself it wasn't stealing he found a bottle that looked promising. He turned and hurried back through the living room, avoiding looking at Shifty's body before he reentered the bedroom much to Lifty's displeasure.

"Here this should take your fever down." He smiled and held out the bottle of pills to Lifty, the other boy pausing for a moment before he snatched it away and reached out for his glass of water. Splendid watched as Lifty downed three of the pills, setting the bottle down once he was done.

"You can go now." Lifty said, frowning up at him as he brought the glass up to his mouth to take another sip.

"Oh alright then grumpy. If you need me I'll be in the living room cleaning up." Splendid smiled at Lifty again before leaving and trying to figure out how exactly go to about cleaning this mess up.

Splendid spent most of the next hour scrubbing away at the carpet to try and get Shifty's blood out, eventually just giving up and draping a towel over the mess and the hole in the floor to cover it up. No need for Lifty to get even angrier with him. He surveyed his work before he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat, looking up to see Lifty standing there and leaning against the door way.

"I take it that's where you killed him?" He asked, Splendid giving a sheepish smile before he got up brushing himself off.

"Sorry about that Lift. I think I got most of the blood out though so that's good."

"Yeah, it would have been better if he hadn't died at all, but while you're at it maybe fix the window too? I'm already sick here dude."

"Oh right. I'll cover that up. Wait. Why are you up?"

"I'm starving. I haven't eaten since this morning and that didn't even stay down." Lifty sighed and walked over to the kitchen, keeping one paw on the wall for support.

"Here I'll bring you something! You cant hardly walk as it is Lift!" Splendid dashed over to him, stepping in front of him and moving to help him stand when Lifty backed away.

"I can do it myself! Just leave me alone!" He growled at Splendid, stepping away from the wall to try and walk around him. Splendid on the other hand did not seem fazed and reached out to grab Lifty and turn him around to lead him back to his room.

"I insist! It's the least I can do."

"Stop fucking touching me!" Lifty pulled away from Splendid, staggering back a few feet and closer to the covered hole in the floor.

"I'm just trying to help you!" The hero frowned, stepping closer to Lifty and reaching out to try and grab his paw again.

"Just fuck o-AH!" He didn't have time to finish as he stepped back and onto the towel, his paw going right through the hole cut through the floor. Multiple shards of wood stabbed into his leg and before Lifty could even try to catch himself the rest of the surrounding floor gave way, leading the raccoon to crash right into the apartment below.

"Lifty!" Splendid soon jumped after him, flying down to land a lot softer next to him. He looked over the dazed thief, blood dripping from the many cuts and scrapes on his body but for the most part he seemed alright. The ceiling creaking above them however didn't sound alright, Splendid wondered if anymore chunks of building were going to come crashing down.

His questions were answered when Lifty tried to speak again, a loud rumble alerting the two of them that another section of floor from above was falling. Splendid was quick to fly up and hold it in place, hearing Lifty sigh in relief behind him. Just then the couch fell through the roof, landing right on top of Lifty and punching both the brothers bodies down another level. And another. And another… Splendid let go of the ceiling he was struggling to keep up, wincing as the chunk fell and crashed into the floor, the whole building creaking under the weight.

The super hero ducked out another window, shaking himself free of glass shards and looking behind him at the apartment building. He swooped down and struggled to figure out what to do as the building shook from the destruction inside. Luckily he didn't have to do anything as just a few seconds later the whole thing collapsed into a big heap of rumble. Splendid landed on top of the mess, looking around worriedly for survivors and after deciding that unfortunately there weren't any he glanced around for witnesses. Seeing as there were none he cut his losses and took flight again, racing off to his base and trying to figure out how to fix that little mistake.


	7. Chapter 7

Shifty awoke to find that he was fucking freezing, sitting up with a start to find that he was in he and Lifty's van. He shook his head to wake himself up as he looked over to see Lifty asleep in the passenger's seat, oblivious to where they were apparently. This was.. odd. He knew he died, but usually they respawned in their apartment. Speaking of which where was that? He turned to look out the window at where their apartment building should be, paling at seeing instead a pile of rubble in its place.

"Lifty.." He reached over and shook his brother, the younger raccoon giving a whine of annoyance and thankfully sounding like his illness had died with his last death. Shifty didn't really care though, smacking his brother upside the head to wake his ass up. "WAKE UP."

Lifty jolted awake, looking around in a panic before seeing Shifty and scowling at him. "What the fuck was that for?" He rubbed at his cheek with his paw, frowning at Shifty before his gaze drifted behind him and he stopped to gasp.

"Is that our fucking place?!" The two of them both looked over the wreckage, turning back to each other at the same time.

"What do we do now?" Lifty asked, rubbing at his arm seeming to expect Shifty to have an answer. To which the older twin seemed kind of lost.

"Guess we're living in here again till they rebuild or we find a new place." He shrugged and leaned back in the seat, trying to think of what they could possibly do. They both haven't had to live in the car for a few years now, not since they first moved to town. That was in summer though and Shifty did not want to waste gas on making sure the two of them didn't freeze to death.

"This sucks." Shifty turned to look at Lifty who was now slouched down in the car seat looking miserable.

"It'll be fine dude. I'm sure we can find somewhere cheap to stay. But for now let's not dwell on it, we probably gotta work on getting some money."

"Oh fuck you're right." Lifty groaned, slapping a paw to his forehead. "Was everything in the apartment?"

"Er.." Shifty paused to glance into the back, wishing that they hadn't taken everything in earlier than usual. "Yep seems so.."

"Great. That's amazing."

"Don't be such a baby. It'll be like old times now."

"Yeah good old times when we were just sticking to pick pocketing."

"Hey. How about we go see if someone's died so we can jack their place?"

"Fine I guess, I still need to eat dude. I died yesterday because Splendick didn't want me making my own food."

"I figured he'd kill you too, I ended up getting my head lasered off."

"At least you didn't have to fall one story before being crushed by the ceiling." Shifty snickered at that, bringing a paw up to cover his mouth.

"Really? Did he shove you through the floor or something? You two roughhousing?"

"No I fell through a hole, you dick. Let's just not talk about it." Lifty grumbled and turned away to look out the window, Shifty rolling his eyes at his brothers tantrum as he started up the car.

"Talking about it is supposed to help." He smirked at Lifty again, turning the heat way up before starting to drive to one of their usual hang out spots.

"Oh shut up asshole." Lifty growled at him, reaching to buckle himself in. It was no fun being flung through the windshield and multiple deaths had taught him it was better to be safe than sorry.

Shifty just laughed at him, driving them off to one of their favorite back alley hangout spots and parking next to the wall. He switched the van off and leaned back in his seat, sighing a little as he brought a paw up to rub at his forehead.

"Alright Lift." He said after a few moments, closing his eyes to try and think up a plan. Sometimes he hated being the leader of their duo, not a lot but usually when shit really hit the fan and it was up to him to solve it. "I think I got it. We mug someone, take the cash and at least get ourselves fed. If they have enough cash we can get a motel or something but I doubt that."

"And how exactly do you plan on us doing that?" Lifty said, shooting his brother a rather incredulous look.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it's only about 10 in the morning, how do you expect us to just find someone and snatch the goods without a whole bunch of witnesses?"

It was at that moment that both of them heard a rather frantic tapping on the passenger's side window, looking over to see Nutty standing there with his trademark smile.

"Hey guys! You have anymore candy?!" He could barely contain his excitement as he jumped up and down next to the van, grubby paws smearing tootsie pop residue all over the window. The twins paused before slowly looking over at each other, each snickering right on cue with the new beautiful opportunity. Shifty got out first, smirking over at Nutty as he walked over to him.

"Of course! We always have your stuff, Nutters!" Shifty stepped in front of Nutty, holding a paw out to rest on the squirrels shoulder to avoid him getting too excited. He didn't exactly have a shower anymore to be rinsing candy out of his fur.

"Yeah! Don't worry we got you buddy." Lifty popped open his door, stepping out and standing behind Nutty as he waited for Shifty to give him the signal.

"Oh gosh you guys are the best! I'm so happy I ran into you! I mean I didn't think that I'd find you here but you know I was on my way to Flaky's because she's throwing blah a party blah blah and blah blah blah." Both of the raccoons tuned out Nutty's ramblings, Shifty shooting Lifty a grin as he nodded for Lifty to go ahead with the plan.

Shifty stepped out of the way as Lifty kicked Nutty hard in the back of the knees, sending the lime furred candy addict sprawling out on the ground. He looked honestly dazed and before he could even say lollipop Shifty had kicked him hard in the side. Nutty yelped and tried to move away, Lifty coming in to stomp down hard on his stomach and have the squirrel curling up into the blow. Ultimately Nutty was stuck between the two of them and focused on covering his head from their blows, not wanting to lose a sucker or any of the sweets plastered to his fur.

After a few minutes of bonding over beating the shit of out Nutty they stepped back, both catching their breath as Shifty leaned down to snatch Nutty's wallet. They both laughed again and Shifty turned to run back to the drivers seat of the car. Lifty looked down at Nutty one last time, the squirrel shaking and coughing up blood. He snickered and reached down to rip the candy apple away from the fur on his head before jumping back into the van. The two of them soon speeding off down the alley way and back out onto the main road where they each laughed at just how easy that whole 'heist' was, if you could even call something like that a heist.

"Did you see his fucking face?!" Shifty laughed, tossing the wallet into Lifty's lap for him to count the cash.

"Oh my god! Priceless!" Lifty laughed right along with Shifty looking down at the candy apple he stole and turning it to the side that wasn't covered in fur.

"AND you took his fucking candy!" Shifty slowed the car for a moment as he lost it, laughing even harder at Lifty who only grinned over at him.

"What can I say? I'm hungry!"

The two of them laughed for a while, both cracking jokes about how well that had gone as Shifty looked for a good place to park and hide out, deciding on another alley though it wasn't really as well hidden. He turned to face Lifty again, who was rolling down the window to toss out the half eaten candy apple.

"Did you count the cash yet?" Shifty didn't really wait for an answer, reaching over to snatch away the wallet.

"Did you not see I was busy eating?" Lifty rolled the window back up and shuddered a bit just from the cold air outside getting in for even a short amount of time.

"Guess I have to do everything then." He gave Lifty a look of mock exasperation, opening up the wallet to count the cash. Shifty pulled out thirty seven dollars in cash and a few sticks of some fruity childrens brand gum.

"Not a lot?"

"No. Expected that much. Enough to eat but not to stay anywhere."

"Maybe if we get lucky another person will just walk right up to us and we can?" Lifty said, reaching over to give his brother a playful shove.

"Doubt it." Shifty rolled his eyes, both of the brothers soon jolting surprise at the loud bang that crashing into the top of their van.

"What are you two doing?!" Splendid shouted, looking down at the two of them through the window shield, sitting on the top of their car.

"Hey get the fuck off my car!" Shifty shouted, rolling down the window to lean out and reach up to try and tug the hero off of the roof of the van. Splendid pulled away and hopped of the roof to land next to the car, still frowning at the two as he walked to the front of the van.

"You two up to no good again?" He questioned, eyeing Shifty as the raccoon fell back into his seat.

"What gave you that idea?!" Lifty sneered at Splendid, leaning forward to look at him over the hood.

"Well why else would you two be stationed out in a dark alley?" Splendid leapt up and onto the hood of the van, Shifty getting even more furious at the fact that the hero kept touching his car.

"Maybe because you broke down our fucking house?!" Lifty snapped right back at him, glaring up at him and both of the thieves looking ready to kill this dude. Or at least try to.

"I didn't mean to! I'm sorry alright?!"

"Sorry doesn't fucking cut it!" Both of them screamed in unison, each of them snarling up at the squirrel still standing on the hood.

"Well what do you want me to do!? Let you jerks come live with me!?"


	8. Chapter 8

Splendid was regretting saying that, seeing as how when he did both of the raccoons stopped yelling long enough and seem to actually be considering the idea. Though the silence didn't last long with Shifty around.

"Get off my car asshole!" Shifty started shouting again, getting out of the car to try and reach up and yank Splendid off of the hood by his tail.

"Okay geez!" He huffed and floated up a bit off of the hood, feeling Shifty tug harder on his tail until he gave in and landed down on the ground next to the car. The thief still did not seem very happy and Lifty soon got out of the car to go and try to calm down the situation.

"Splendid why do you keep bugging us? Don't you have a job?"

"Well not really I'm on my holiday vacation but wait no! Superheroism is a full time job!"

"Sure it is. Gotta make sure we don't mug someone or something!" Shifty commented sarcastically, Lifty laughing a little at that.

"You could if I wasn't here!"

"God forbid that!"

"Why don't you just go do something productive?!" Splendid shouted sounding very exasperated with these two, both of them knew this and felt equally proud of themselves.

"We can't really do that seeing as how we're homeless now."

"Yeah, you kind of screwed us over on that one Splendy."

"I said sorry! What do you want some money?"

"How about we come stay with you?" Shifty said, Splendid looking very shocked before he jumped back up into the air as he recoiled at that thought.

"Absolutely not! Are you out of your mind?!"

"Is it cause we're raccoons?" Lifty suggested, Splendid whipping around to face that twin.

"NO IT'S NOT THAT! I HAVE PLENTY OF RACCOON FRIENDS!"

"Yeah I already did that joke, Lift."

"Aww, we we're supposed to do it together."

"Regardless of that! I am not letting two people who want me dead into my house!"

"Why not?! Cause we'll uncover your stupid 'secret' identity or something?"

"As if! Unlike you two I actually know how to keep a low profile."

"Really? So you mean you're not a reporter?" Lifty spoke up, Splendid tensing up visibly.

"Uh.." He landed and looked at the two of them as if they had just found out his darkest secret, like not everyone just humored Splendid's 'secret' identity facade. "How do you guys know about that?"

"We have our sources." Shifty stepped closer to Splendid, placing a paw on his shoulder. "I mean, it's not like we would tell everyone about it if you didn't let us stay with you."

"That isn't fair!"

"It wasn't fair to wreck our shit."

"Ugh you two are impossible!"

"Is that a no?"

"No! I mean.." Splendid floundered a bit as he tried to find a compromise, ultimately sighing in defeat. "Fine. You guy's can come over later tonight."

Splendid was seriously reconsidering just how valuable his secret identity was to him, cautiously leading his enemies into his house and hoping they didn't try to swipe anything. The brothers were looking around the place with a great amount of interest, Lifty eyeing a few of the knickknacks along the wall and leaving Splendid feeling very anxious. He led the two of them to the living room, turning to the two of them and doing a quick once over of the room.

The thieves were finding it hard to resist not taking even one thing, they had been expecting the inside of Splendid's base to look a lot different, not like some normal house. Everything was even on nice little shelves and stuff too, it was just begging to be taken! The two of them had already made a subconscious decision to wait until Splendid was sleeping before taking anything, each of them lost in thought at how much they could pawn this stuff for when Splendid cleared his throat to catch their attention.

"Alright. You guys can sleep over on the couch." Splendid said, pointing over to his couch and the two of them not really looking over.

"Uh. There isn't enough room on there for two of us." Shifty said rather plainly, looking around the house for the bedroom. "One of us has to bunk with you. No homo."

"What?! No! That's _my_ bed!" He shouted, frowning at bother of them who seemed to know that they were getting under his skin.

"You knock our place down and now want one of us to sleep on the floor? Real heroic." Lifty rolled his eyes and Splendid groaned in exasperation.

"I didn't mean to! You should be glad I'm even letting you stay here."

"Yeah because you hate us that much. I'm doubting that you didn't mean to break down our apartment."

"Fine! You two can have my room! I'll just sleep on the couch!" Splendid reached forward and picked Shifty up, tossing his over his shoulder much to Lifty's amusement and Shifty's rage.

"Hey put me down!" Shifty thrashed about, Lifty following and laughing as Splendid lead them to his room. The thief was thrashing all the while, kicking and hitting the hero but not seeming to even faze him which just make Shifty all the more pissed off. He tossed Shifty onto the bed, the older twin sitting up to glare at him.

"You alright there bro?" Lifty asked, barely holding back his laughter as he climbed up onto the bed next to Shifty. Who promptly shoved Lifty off of the bed.

"I'd rather Splendid stay here." He spat out, flipping Lifty off who soon jumped back onto the bed and shoved Shifty down, the two of them looking ready to fight.

"I think I'll just step out.." The superhero stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him and sighing at what he had gotten himself into. He listened in and determined that the two of them were fighting if the creaking of the bed and yelled obscenities. At least that would keep them too busy to steal anything.

He yawned and stepped away from the door, heading over to the couch and flopping down. It had been far too long of a day and he was ready for a goodnights sleep, considering he did have his other job tomorrow he didn't want to be all groggy before he went. He rubbed his eyes and curled up as comfortably on the couch as he could before he fell asleep.

Splendid awoke later the next day, blinking the sleep out of his eyes before he sat up and stretched. He had expected to feel a lot more tired! The squirrel got up, yawning as he walking to the kitchen for breakfast. He looked over at the clock on the wall and felt his heart stop. Since when was it noon?! He sped into his bedroom, noting that the place was a mess and the raccoons were nowhere to be found. He could yell about that later right now he needed to focus on getting dressed and not losing his job! As he tugged his shirt on and finally noticed that both his wallet and alarm clock were gone from the nightstand he decided that he was going to seriously have a talk with them.


	9. Chapter 9

Splendid sighed as he walked to work, not wanting to arose any suspicion by flying no matter how late he was. The super squirrel was feeling pretty bad about himself at the moment, he usually made it a point to never be later and now here he was hours behind! He hoped that he wouldn't lose his job over this little mix up. Looking up from staring at the sidewalk he saw the building of his place of work in the distance, picking up the pace. He pulled his paws out from his pockets and looked towards the building opposite him, going through the motions of fixing up his appearance before he stopped dead in his tracks.

Somehow he had walked out of the house and gotten this close to work without realizing that he was missing his mask. He dropped everything and raced into the nearest alleyway, heart pounding in his chest as his paws shot up to feel at his face. Sure enough the familiar feel of cloth around his eyes was gone and all he could feel was his fur. Splendid decided that he could call in later to take the day off, needing to find his mask as soon as possible. He took off his shirt, ripping off a section to tie around his eyes.

He shoved the rest of his disguise underneath a nearby dumpster, flying up and onto the roof of the building. Splendid raced to the side of the roof, listening in for the sound of anyone being robbed or something. That didn't work so he gave up and decided on just doing a quick flyby over where he knew they liked to hang out, scanning the ground for any sign of them or their van.

On the other side of town two raccoon twins were busy looking over their newest loot, Lifty helping himself to the cash out of Cuddle's wallet as Shifty drove them away from the scene of the crime. They both snickered at each other, Lifty pausing to readjust the bright red mask he was wearing before continuing to count the money.

"How much did we score Lift?" Shifty said, shooting his brother a large grin as they had just been getting the best of luck lately. Ever since their apartment got destroyed of course.

"At least 100 dude. Who knew that guy carried so much cash?!" He laughed, leaning back in his seat and tossing Cuddles now empty wallet in the back, adding it to the growing supply they seemed to be getting.

"Hah! What a loser. And by the way Lift, you look good in red."

"Aww, thanks. Maybe you can ditch your hat then and this can be our new distinguishing feature?"

"Not THAT good." Shifty smirked at Lifty, who rolled his eyes and moved to smooth back his ears.

"You're just jealous I got the good looks." He snickered, his brother reaching over to playfully punch him in the arm.

"We're identical you twit."

"Maybe personality wise but damn have you seen me?" Lifty grinned at him, crossing his arms behind his head.

"Yeah I don't exactly recall our last date looking at you though.."

"I'm thinking he was going to try and snatch your hat."

"Yes of course because the most fuckable of us is my hat."

"I ain't saying yes or no to that one." Lifty shrugged, looking back over at Shifty.

"Whatever, where do you wanna hit up next?" Shifty said, turning to get on the main road in town to get across town, seeing as how the cops would probably looking around for them once they found Cuddle's body.

"I don't know I'll let you pick this time."

Shifty nodded and the two drove in relative silence, Shifty soon seeing the turn he wanted to make and spinning the wheel to make the turn and feeling very confused when the car kept on going the same direction.

"What the f-" The two of them shouted at the same time as their van was yanked up and off the road, flipped upside down and sending the raccoons crashing into the roof. They each groaned and tried to sit up, slamming into the backdoors of the car as it was tossed back down to the ground. It hit the ground and Shifty went flying through the windshield, tumbling out onto the snowy ground in front of the wreck. Lifty on the other hand had lucky broken his fall by hitting the back of the passenger's seat, rubbing his head as he stood up in the back of the car and tried to figure out what happened. He didn't have to think for long as the back doors of the van were swung open, Splendid standing there and looking more pissed than Lifty had ever seen him.

"YOU!" He yelled, dropping the back of the van and jumping inside to charge at Lifty. Lifty screamed and tried to duck out of the way, feeling Splendid grab his tail and yank him back over to him, snapping several of the vertebrae in Lifty's tail in the process.

"Ow! Let go! Shit that hurts!" Lifty screamed, turning to scowl up at the hero who didn't really seem to care as he reached down to rip the mask off of Lifty's face.

"Next time don't steal my stuff then! What if I took YOUR mask?!" He grabbed at the dark fur of Lifty's mask, yanking and tearing out a big handful of fur from Lifty's cheek.

"FUCK!" Lifty screamed, scrambling back and bringing a paw up to clutch at his stinging cheek, feeling tears build up in the corners of his eyes. "Mine is actually part of my face you psychopath!"

"Oh I'm the psychopath!? I'm not stealing from the one person trying to help me out!" He turned away from Lifty, taking off his improvised mask to replace it with the classic.

"Oh yeah it really helps when you break my tail and tear out my fur!" Lifty huffed, standing up to walk to the back of the van and jump out. His tail was sore and he'd probably have to fix that if he lived through the rest of the day. But for now his main concern was making sure his brother was going to live through the rest of the day.

He stumbled through the snow to where Shifty was, sighing as he saw him getting to his feet, despite being covered in little cuts from the glass. Lifty glared back at Splendid who was out of the van and floating after him.

"You alright Shift?" Lifty asked, helping his brother back up to his feet and wincing at the fact that his right arm seemed to be bending ways that it normally didn't.

"Splendid?" He turned to Lifty, adjusting his hat that thankfully had stayed on his head, thought his right eye did look kind of swollen.

"Who else?" Lifty rolled his eyes, both of them taking a step back when the hero did land next to them.

"I don't like doing this guys! Maybe if you two had a little respect for me this wouldn't happen!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"I'm talking about the fact that I let you stay at my house and yet you steal my stuff!" He screamed back at them, the two raccoons ears flicking downward at the loud volume.

"Okay! Jeez dude we're sorry!" Shifty shouted back, glaring up at Splendid as he stepped in between him and Lifty.

"Are you?! Were you when you stole my mask and almost cost me my fucking job?!" The twins shrunk back a little at that, never having heard Splendid swear like that before. It was a little concerning.

"Yeah we are! Calm down man." Lifty spoke up from behind Shifty, glad that his brother was there in case Splendid tried anything.

Splendid took a deep breath, stepping back from the two fo them and rubbing his face with his paws. "Ugh you're right. Sorry. It's just.. You two have got me so frazzled today, guess I sort of went off the handle for a second there."

"Sorry, we didn't know about losing you your job." Lifty stepped around Shifty who was more than happy to be the one hiding behind someone now.

"Yeah, we'll stop fucking with you as long as we're living with you I guess."

"Could you? I'm sorry but it would just help a lot if I didn't have to worry about you guys."

"As long as you fix the car I'm sure it'll be fine." Shifty spoke up, Lifty turning to shove him a little.

"Oh I'm sure it'll be fi-" Splendid started, stopping as the van exploded, a long shard of the side flying through the air and stabbing through Lifty and Shifty. The two of them died as they hit the ground, Splendid looking back at the wreck and sighing. That was going to cost a lot more to fix.


	10. Chapter 10

**((Sorry this one took longer than usual, mothers day shit going on you know? Anyways things about to get real good next chapter so strap the fuck in for this kind of shitty one.))**

The next day was scheduled to be a little warmer than the last few, the large acorn base in the center of town mostly free of snow as the sun finished rising over the horizon. Inside said base Splendid was just getting ready to start his morning routine, with two additions of course. Splendid jumped onto his bed, smiling down at the two thieves snuggled together under the covers and waking them up with his loud voice. To which the two of them each groaned and opened one eye to look up at him.

"Wake up guys! It's time to get you two on the path to good!" He beamed at the both of them, not really being able to tell who started talking seeing as the fedora was on the head frame of the bed.

"How fucking early is it you dick head?" The left one.. sounded like Shifty? Whomever it was they seemed pissed, Splendid smiling as he floated over the two of them and moved to grip at the comforter, yanking it off of the both of them.

"Aww you two are so cute!" Splendid smiled as the two of them quickly untangled their limbs and pushed away from each other, clearly embarrassed and fully woken up.

"Dude what the hell?" The right one who he presumed was Lifty yelled, glaring accusingly at his brother.

"You we're the one snuggling me you fucker!" He growled and Splendid dropped back down on the bed between the two of them.

"No fighting! We are going to go be productive!" Splendid smiled at both of them, making sure that they wouldn't try to hit each other before he jumped off the bed. "Alright let's go then!"

"Go where? What time even is it?" His guesses were proven correct as the twin on the right reached over and grabbed his hat, placing it on his head

"It's 6:30." Both of them groaned.

"Why did you wake us up so early?" Lifty said, yawning and laying back down to try and fall back asleep.

"Cause good citizens get up early to contribute to society!" The super hero grabbed up Lifty, setting him down on the floor and mostly ignoring the raccoons scowl.

"We're not good citizens though."

"That is what I am going to change, as long as you guys are living here you're going to live by my rules and that means getting up early."

Shifty rolled his eyes, getting up and stretching as he walked over to the door way, Lifty scooting around Splendid as he followed his twin out the door. The two of them slipped out the bedroom and Splendid beamed at being able to get the two to actually listen to him for once, soon following them out and into the kitchen. The two of them were helping themselves to digging through Splendid's pantry, both of them trying to see what he had and not really finding anything.

"You don't have any food in this house." Shifty whined, stepping back to look at Splendid with a glare.

"Well if you had the patience to try and cook something then that wouldn't be the case." Splendid walked over to the fridge, opening it up and taking out a carton of eggs to set on the counter.

"You wake us up this early and expect us to cook?"

"No I mean I can, you two can handle making some toast I presume?"Splendid gave Shifty a questioning look, feeling even more accomplished as the raccoon flipped him off and grabbed his brothers arm to drag him off to the toaster.

Splendid finished up with the scrambled eggs, placing them into a bowl to put on the table before looking over to see what the twins made. He frowned a little at seeing a stack of blackened toast put on the table by Lifty who just shrugged.

"Blame Shifty I just put the butter on."

"How do you even mess up toast?"

"It's harder than it looks!" Shifty snapped, crossing his arms and looking away from the both of them.

"It's cool, let's just eat before we start running late." Splendid grabbed the plates out from the cupboard, handing one to each of them before he turned to put away the eggs. The twins dished up and sat down, Splendid feeling rather annoyed with being left with the smallest portion. He would have to teach them that sharing was caring later.

He walked over to the table and sat down opposite to them, both of the raccoons stuffing their faces with food. Splendid ate his a little slower, wanting to savor his food and not get too full before they went out. They finished at relatively the same time after eating in silence, the hero taking everyone's plates over to the sink.

"Alright let's head out." Splendid smiled at them, despite the dirty looks he was getting.

"Where exactly are we going?" Shifty questioned, standing back up and stifling another yawn as he was still not used to being awake that this ungodly hour.

"There and back to see how far it is." He grinned, gesturing for them to leave as he flew off to the front door. Both of the house guests wondered how Splendid had this much energy and followed behind him, leaning on each other to avoid falling over.

The super squirrel was waiting for them at the front door, holding winter clothes for them and handing them each a scarf and a beanie to Lifty. Both of them got wintered up without complaint, knowing that they really couldn't win a fight against Splendid seeing as their van was blown up last time they checked.

"Alright guys let's head out." Splendid opened the door and seemed to be oblivious to the cold as Shifty and Lifty moved closer together for warmth. The hero just stepped right out and started his morning walk, glancing back occasionally to make sure his guests were following him and looking thoroughly annoyed.

"Come on. It's good to get exercise!" He smirked at them, floating up in the air in front of them.

"We get enough of that thank you." Shifty grumbled, moving forward to shove at Splendid. "And we don't fly instead of walking."

"Flying still counts as a work out!"

"Still makes you a tool."

"Lift I'm just trying to hang out with you guys here."

"Don't call me that. And did you have to get us up so early?"

"You're always going to be grumpy if you sleep in till the afternoon."

"I'd rather be grumpy then be like you Splendy."

"What? Like be well adjusted and not have to worry about living on the street?"

"Says the one who put several people out of their homes cause they tried to save something."

Splendid rolled his eyes at that, choosing to just lead them along through the neighborhood and enjoy the scenery. Even though he had two criminals whispering behind him Splendid still found this to be very relaxing, a nice change of pace from saving people from dying or avoiding getting killed yourself. He sighed, smiling before an all too familiar sound hit his ears.

"I got to go guys! Meet you back at my house!" He grinned at them, giving them a quick salute before he sped off to where he had heard Cuddles scream.

The two watched him fly off, Lifty turning back to face Shifty as he rubbed at his arms. "I'm ready to go back to bed dude. It's freezing out."

"Wait.. I have an idea." Shifty shot him a grin, gesturing to the house behind him and Lifty soon mimicking his expression as he caught on to what he was implying.


	11. Chapter 11

"Oh ho ho. Is that?"

"Yes it is."

"You think he's awake yet?" Lifty said, turning to look at the house with Shifty and both of them itching to get inside already.

"Not for a few more weeks at least." Shifty nudged Lifty in the arm and snickered, the thieves soon running up the drive way to the rather large house. Shifty lifted his bother up to test the windows, the locks more made for keeping people in rather than out and found one easy enough to slide open.

Lifty jumped in first, landing as quietly as he could and Shifty soon following behind him, eyeing the items lined up on the walls for them. He snuck over to the wall, looking around the room and determining that yes they were alone. One of the perks of stealing from Flippy was the nice little window his hibernating left them, though they had to be careful not to mix up the timing to avoid dying.

With Lifty on look out Shifty helped himself to starting to strip the walls free of items, moving as quietly as he could despite the fact that Flippy probably wouldn't wake up if he was sleeping. Lifty let Shifty do that, choosing to go and look around the rest of Flippy's house. He walked down the hallway and stared at the expensive looking items covering the walls, hardly able to contain himself. He got to the bedroom with the door already cracked open and he slowly eased it open, looking around the room at even more valuable stuff. With a renewed sense of glee in his heart after a grueling morning the young thief stepped forward, only stopping when he realized something pretty major.

Flippy wasn't in his bed. Lifty gulped and took a step back, holding back on the need to run over and tell Shifty. He backtracked quickly to the main room, not really looking where he was going and ending up bumping straight into Shifty and sending them both falling down with a loud crash and bang of something expensive.

"What the hell Lift?!" Shifty sneered at him, shoving him off as Lifty tried not to seem too terrified.

"Shift be quiet I think he's up." Lifty stuttered out and not even a second later a knife flew between the two and stuck into the wall behind them, both of them looking over at the bear standing in the door way to the kitchen and looking very hungry.

He didn't give them long to process the fact that they were about to die before he charged them, his speed and brute strength failing against their agility and they sprinted down the hall way and into the bedroom. Lifty slammed the door and fumbled with the locks as Shifty scrambled to hide under the bed, Lifty giving up on locking the door to join his brother and hope that it was their lucky day.

Lifty looked over at Shifty, shaking uncontrollably and his brother fairing no better, paws clasped over his mouth to quiet his breathing. The two of them stiffened as they heard the door to the room creak open, both of them stilling to avoid bumping against the bed they were hiding under. Heavy footsteps shook the floor and they could just hear the bastards shaky breathing, pausing for a moment to sniff at the air.

"I know you're in here…" He sing songed out in that horribly scratchy deep voice of his, each of the twins cringing as they heard his claws scratching against the wall in one long slow swipe.

Lifty shut his eyes, moving closer to Shifty for some sort of comfort, the older thief only able to look over at him with a look of absolute terror in his eyes. Nothing was worse than being killed by Fliqpy on his own time. It was something that everyone in town strived to avoid like how people in other normal towns avoid regularly dying. Last time they had been stuck in his house with him was late last year, ending in Shifty getting skinned alive and Lifty ground up by heavy machinery.

"Come on come on…" He purred out, stepping closer to the bed and each of them getting ready to bolt. Shifty nudged Lifty, gesturing to the count down on his fingers of when they were going to run. One, another step closer to the bed by a homicidal bear. Two, both of them tensing and getting ready to run. Three!

Both of them quickly scrambled out from under the bed, the bear behind them jumping over the bed and rushing over to them. They reached the door way and he was right on top of them, Shifty making the quick decision to kick Lifty's shin and send him sprawling out on the floor as Shifty kept running.

"SHIFTY!" Lifty screamed as he had himself be betrayed once again by his awesome brother, feeling the bear grab his tail and give a deep victorious laugh. He tried to grip at the floor, clawing deep marks into the wood as Fliqpy dragged him back into the bedroom. The raccoon was thrown onto the bed, trying to get away when he had Fliqpy climbing on top of him and pinning him down.

He looked up at Fliqpy, shaking even more than before as he tried to think of what exactly was going to happen to him. Lifty just hoped it would be over soon and he could yell at Shifty once he woke up from this nightmare.

"Did your brother leave you again?" Fliqpy purred out, Lifty flinching as he felt his paw touch his cheek rubbing at his fur.

"P-please.. Flippy don't h-hurt me. Fl-Flippy-"

"It's Fliqpy. Keep begging though. It's very cute." He chuckled, leering over Lifty and looking ready to just devour him. Lifty didn't respond to that, turning away to shut his eyes and try to just block this whole ordeal out, but that was stopped as he felt claws slice across his cheek.

"Please! Fliqpy please! We didn't mean it! I didn't fucking mean it!" Lifty sobbed, trying to move away from the assault but Fliqpy keeping him firmly in place. The sergeant just grinned down at him, leaning down to lick the blood off of Lifty's cheek.

"Your blood tastes just like that traitor of a brother you have."

"D-don't. I'm sorry please I'll do anything." He tensed as Fliqpy moved downwards, teeth looming over his neck.

His teeth dug into the side of Lifty's neck, drawing little pinpricks of blood as Fliqpy chewed on him. Lifty tensed each time he bit back down, wondering just when he was going to die. Fliqpy growled and moved to dig his claws into Lifty's side, scratching at his ribs with one paw and reaching his other up to claw into Lifty's scalp. With Lifty's head now held still he licked across his throat to the other side, entertaining the thought of biting into his shoulder. He nipped at Lifty's neck again, loving the way the thief tensed as he expected a fatal blow though it wasn't as good as hearing him scream.

Fliqpy growled against his throat, soon drawing out another scream from Lifty as he sank his teeth into where his neck met his shoulder. He ripped his head back, a large chunk of meat in his mouth and leave Lifty sobbing openly from the pain. Blood and meat dripped down Fliqpy's face, his terrifyingly sharp teeth coated thickly with Lifty's blood and looking all the more threatening. Lifty shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to look at himself being eaten and trying not to focus on the painful pulse that was most of his neck.

He grit his teeth as he felt his head being ripped back, Fliqpy's claws digging painfully into his ear as the bear leaned in again to bite into Lifty's throat. His teeth scraped against his trachea and Lifty held his breath for fear of losing the ability to breathe. Unluckily he didn't need to worry about that for long as Fliqpy chomped down hard and pulled away with a big hunk of throat in his mouth and blood spurting up out of Lifty's neck. He rolled off of Lifty, spitting the meat into his hand as Lifty scrambled to press his paws to his throat to try and stem the bleeding, he was already feeling faint. Must have lost a bit of carotid artery there.

"Welp." Fliqpy said conversationally, taking a bite of the meat in his paw as he turned to address Lifty. "I'm off to go kill your brother. See yah." His voice was a dull murmur in Lifty's ears, the raccoon's vision swimming as he began to lose consciousness. The last thing he felt was the feeling of blood still gushing over his paws before he passed out and not to soon after, died.

 **((There was that. I should write more gore seeing as how that's what I'm best at. Maybe later I'll do a longer scene but I don't know.))**


	12. LAUGHTER

((Welp.))

Splendid yawned as he walked inside his base, not caring about the blood still covering his chest as he walked right towards his shower. His ears perked up at the sound coming from his bedroom, slowly opening up the door and peaking inside. Shifty and Lifty were asleep in his bed as he had gotten used to these past few days, Shifty hanging half off and snoring loudly. Splendid decided against waking him up, maybe he would wake up on his own and they could do something productive with their day. The super hero closed the door and let them be as he went to go wash off, maybe he would be able to make use of his day off by catching up on the sleep he had missed out on yesterday.

After an hour of washing the blood off of him and drying off Splendid was feeling relatively clean, still a little perplexed as to how Nutty could have just exploded all over him. He went to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee, maybe the caffeine would be enough to jumpstart his system. Seeing as it felt like he hadn't been home for a month.

Splendid downed the hot drink, gulping it down and not really minding the burn in his throat. God bless super powers cutting down the wait time. But on second thought.. Yeah, coffee really wasn't going to cut it after a night of vigilante justice. Time to get his bed back. He set the mug down, wiping a paw over his mouth before he walked back to his bedroom. A glance at the clock showed it was 6:37, making it more than acceptable to reclaim his bed and send them out for the day. Who cares if they were pissed at him, he deserved it after all the shit he went through.

The door creaked a little as he opened it, seeing Shifty still hanging half off of the bed and Lifty curled up under the comforters in a much more comfortable looking position. Splendid didn't care though, floating over to the bed to shove Shifty fully off and onto the floor before picking up Lifty from under the covers. Shifty was the first one to start talking, Lifty just seeming confused as he tried to wake himself up.

"What was that for?!" Shifty snapped, sitting upright to scowl at Splendid or try to before his hat fell forward over his eyes.

"Put me down!" Lifty finally seemed to have found his voice, Splendid setting him down on the floor and not really minding when he got a good distance between them.

"Well sorry guys! But I need to sleep, so you guys can head out now or whatever." Splendid sighed, dropping down onto the bed and ignoring his two guests as he shoved his head under the pillow.

"Did you forget you broke our van?" Shifty spoke up, standing up and looking a mix of exasperated and annoyed as all fuck.

"Well walk or something. I've been working all night." He mumbled into his pillow, not budging a bit as he felt one of them tug on his tail to try and get him out of bed.

"We died yesterday, I think we can sleep a bit longer. Go use the couch." One of them shouted at him but honestly he didn't care, just finding it a bit annoying how hard they were trying to get him out of bed.

"It's not my fault you guys got yourselves killed; I let you use my bed for the past three days." His tail was let go of and Splendid decided to lift up his pillow to look at the two of them. Honestly everyone in this room looked both annoyed and tired. Not as much as Splendid was though. "It's my house. My bed."

"Just because you bought it doesn't mean you have the right to be kicking people out who were already using it." Shifty snapped at him, Lifty just rubbing his face as he fought back a yawn.

"Yeah man, not cool." Lifty frowned at him, seeming to be a bit distracted with other thoughts that Splendid didn't really care about.

"Actually it means exactly that. I don't have to let you guys stay here you know, just go make yourselves something and don't ruin anything." Splendid hid back under the pillow, extremely uninterested in hearing anything else from them. It seemed to be his lucky day though.

"Fine. I'm starving anyways." One of them huffed and walked out of the room, soon followed by his brother where they started talking outside the room. After slamming the door shut loudly of course. For some reason Splendid wanted to bet that Shifty was nice enough to do that. Whatever who cares, Splendid groaned and tugged up the blankets, making himself comfortable for a lovely day of napping and not having to worry about anything.

One of his ears perked up at the sound of a scream from what seemed to be all the way across town… He was sure people would believe him if he just 'slept' through it.

It was one thing to be woken up so rudely, it was another to be thrown out of bed and then scolded at like a child. A whole other thing entirely. Shifty always hated mornings, one of the things he hated most in the world if he had to choose something. The raccoon slammed the bedroom door as he walked out, narrowly missing catching Lifty's tail in the doorframe as the younger twin followed behind him. At least he seemed less grumpy than Splendid, fighting with Lifty was another one of those things he hated.

"Hey Shifty?" Lifty spoke up, voice somehow being more grating than Splendid's, Shifty choosing to ignore him in favor of digging through the cabinets for something to eat. "Shifty?" Lifty didn't seem to be in the mood for being ignored.

"SHIFTY!" He snapped, smacking Shifty upside the head and earning a little yelp from his older brother, Shifty just rubbing his cheek before he turned back to Lifty.

"The fuck was that for?!" Shifty growled at him, Lifty making his glare as he crossed him arms to get ready to yell at him.

"For killing me yesterday you jackass!" Oh right.. that. "I mean we could have both gotten out but you just HAD to fucking trip me?!" Lifty stepped forward to get in his face, Shifty a little glad that he was just the smallest bit taller than Lifty in this situation.

"Oh please! One of us was going to die. I died like 2 seconds later." Shifty rolled his eyes, acting like it was no big deal as he shoved Lifty back. Bad decision.

Lifty punched Shifty square in the snout, watching with only a vague sense of satisfaction as he fell back onto the floor. His paws shot up to clutch at his bleeding nose, glaring up at Lifty. "That doesn't mean it's alright to let me get mauled to death. I had my fucking throat eaten out!"

"What do you want me to do about it now?! Unkill you?" Shifty spat out sarcastically, baring his teeth up at Lifty who was seriously considering beating the shit out of Shifty for getting him killed for what seemed to be the millionth time.

"How about you stop being a prick for two seconds?!" He was shouting and didn't really care if Splendid couldn't sleep or not since he needed to sort out this whole mess.

Shifty kindly responded by flipping him off which lead to Lifty pouncing on him which lead to the two of them kicking and scratching at the other. He yelped as Shifty grabbed at his ear, yanking his head to the side before Lifty conked him on the head, knocking off his hat. Shifty batted his paw against Lifty's face, the younger twin punching for Shift's face against and only managing to hit him on the shoulder, leaving his forearm right by Shifty's mouth. Lifty raised his fist to punch Shifty again, who had managed to bite down on Lifty's arm, when Lifty was lifted up into the air. Splendid was glaring at the both of them and Shifty had just wiped the blood from his mouth to speak when Splendid started talking. Though it was kind of obvious Splendid couldn't tell them apart.

"This one is going to sleep with me and you can have the couch. It's too early for fighting and I need sleep." He didn't say anything else, just carting off a confused and agitated Lifty off to his bedroom. Shifty picked his hat up off the floor, watching as Splendid shut and locked the door behind them. Well.. That was one way to settle things.


	13. Chapter 13

Splendid tossed his catch onto the bed, the raccoon sitting up and rubbing his sore arm as he tried to kill the superhero with his glare. The hero wasn't really intimidated though; the two could barely handle each other, let alone him. Maybe that was a little too arrogant to think? Nah, he was a super hero. He was allowed to be arrogant, especially towards his rival.

"What is your deal?" the raccoon growled at him. Splendid wasn't really in the mood to argue, so he just hopped onto the bed to get comfy.

"I don't care who killed who; just wait till I'm out of the house." Splendid pulled the covers up to his chin, stealing them from out under his house guest.

"Yeah, well, we wouldn't argue if Shifty wasn't such a dick." Oh, okay, so this one was Lifty. Somehow Splendid had kind of suspected that; Shifty would have been cursing a lot more. Still, Lifty seemed like he was still mid-tantrum... Why did Splendid care so much? He sighed.

"Do you need to talk about it?" Splendid rolled over to face Lifty, looking up at the raccoon and trying to seem invested in whatever he was going to drone on about.

"It's not even that we died; it's more that he ditches me all the time. Don't get pissed, but we were in Flippy's hou-"

"Didn't you guys learn last time?" Splendid cut in, raising an eyebrow at Lifty, who shrugged.

"He's supposed to be hibernating at this time of year."

"So you thought it was safe to break in?" He shot the raccoon an incredulous look.

"That's not the issue!" Lifty snapped at him. "The issue is that he tripped me to let me get eaten!"

"Flippy eats people now?"

"ALL THE FUCKING TIME! Honestly, how is it that you're a superhero, but you've never met the most villainous guy here?!" The thief waved his arms around to gesture to the whole of town, Splendid not really caring to comment at how silly these two got when riled up.

"I'm probably always too busy with you guys." He smiled at his own comment, though Lifty wasn't amused.

"I swear to god you're almost as bad as he is!"

"Flippy?"

"SHIFTY!" Lifty jumped on top of Splendid, seemingly ready for a bed brawl and sending Splendid into a fit of suppressed laughter. He could just picture the two of them always bickering before bed; they just reminded him more and more of toddlers. Evil toddlers.

"Sorry, I thought you were him for a sec. You're shouting enough for it."

Lifty didn't have a response to that, pulling his paws off Splendid as if he was diseased, his scowl reflecting that thought as much. "Splendid, you're… awful."

The hero let himself burst out laughing at that, holding his sides to avoid laughing so hard he broke his ribs. Damn superpowers. Lifty pouted at him, throwing a tantrum but luckily not throwing anything that could cause damage. Instead, he just tried not to look at Splendid, the squirrel finally finishing his laughing and laying back down to half-expect Lifty to continue his whining.

"I'm going to bed," was the only thing the raccoon said, soon moving under the covers until only the tip of one of his ears was peeking out. Splendid couldn't help but wonder if that was how they usually slept, or if it was reserved for post-fight sleeping only. He rolled over onto his side, yawning quietly and trying to just ignore Lifty from this moment on to try and get some sleep. Otherwise he'd focus on something stupid, like losing his brand new wallet. Speaking of wallets, he'd have to get that back whenever they woke up again. Sure, there probably wouldn't be any cash, but maybe his driver's license and credit cards. Okay… Empty credit cards, but still.

-

Splendid woke up to the mid-afternoon sun shining brightly through his bedroom window, hitting him right in the face with an irritating amount of sunlight. He turned over onto his side, rubbing his face with the heat of the sunlight still warming up his fur and… Creaking one eye open, he saw Lifty sleeping beside him, Splendid's mask tied securely over the thief's face. Splendid decided that he was should probably get a spare. He sat up, yawning as he stretched his rather sore muscles. One night of heroism and his whole sleep schedule was ruined. He reached over and grabbed his mask, yanking the strip of fabric off Lifty's head and waking the raccoon up in the process.

Lifty started for a moment, blinking in surprise before he looked up at Splendid, ears flicking downward as the hero re-tied his mask onto his face. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I should have expected it from you." Splendid shrugged, getting out from under the covers to float down onto the floor. He supposed he should just go about his morning routine, even though it was probably like 4 pm and the sun was going to be setting within the next two hours.

"Hey..." He rubbed his eyes, yawning again and already looking forward to going back to sleep tonight. "Get yourself and Shifty up, alright? I don't want you guys in here when I'm away."

"Mhm," Lifty mumbled through the pillow he was laying facedown on. Splendid rolled his eyes, walking to the bathroom to get ready for what was left of the day. The raccoon in his bed was still there when he poked his head out the doorway. "GET UP!"

Lifty let out a little surprised yell, sitting up and turning to flip Splendid off before he too got out of bed. He did not care for the hero at all right now. "Alright, alright! Jeez, keep your fur on."

He trudged out of the bedroom, heading off in the direction of the couch and his brother's obnoxiously loud snoring. Not surprisingly, he slept through Splendid's yelling. Honestly, he could sleep through a tornado. Shifty was sprawled out on the couch, his fedora hanging precariously off one of his ears. Lifty shook Shifty, poking him on the head to try and wake him up. The older twin stirred, and then smacked Lifty away with a groan, rolling over onto his side and using his hat to hide his face. "Nooo."

"Shift, seriously. We need to get up." Lifty snatched the hat right out of Shifty's paws, being met with an aggravated look from Shifty. The younger sibling quickly backtracked to avoid being the only one in trouble. "Splendid said so, not me."

"So you sleep with the guy ONE ti-" Shifty started, making Lifty nearly gag before he shut him up.

"Oh, shut up." Lifty grimaced, tossing Shifty's hat back onto his face before walking to the kitchen. For some reason, he just wasn't in the mood for Shifty talking right now, or Shifty in general. Hell, he'd prefer Spledi- Wait... Nah, Shifty was still better than Splendid in his book.

He opened the fridge, grabbing the milk and deciding that cereal would work just as well for him. Nothing could be messed up or end up killing him at least. After digging through the pantry for some semblance of an edible cereal, he settled on Cheerios, seeing as most of Splendid's foods were healthy and therefore disgusting. He set the box on the counter, going to the cupboards to get a bowl.

"Get me one too." Shifty spoke up as he walked into the kitchen, leaning up against the counter and opening the box of cereal. Lifty got out two bowls, setting them down on the counter before he grabbed the milk and filled up his bowl. Shifty shoved a pawful of cereal into his mouth, getting crumbs everywhere and leaving Lifty to be the adult as he snatched away the box from him.

"Stop being a nuisance," Lifty growled out.

Shifty shot him a smirk as he swallowed. "You're just mad because I wasn't the one put in time-out."

Lifty didn't even want to dignify that an immediate response, instead focusing on pouring his cereal. He handed the box over to Shifty; his brother always liked to pour the cereal second, which Lifty found FUCKING RIDICULOUS. How were you supposed to spread the milk around?

"You started that whole mess." Lifty finally spoke up, digging around in the drawers for spoons. Maybe Splendid wouldn't notice if he took a bit more than two? He shook his head, reminding himself to get his kleptomania checked... again. Shifty just finished pouring his milk when Lifty stuck his spoon in his bowl, the two of them not bothering to pack up before they started eating.

Splendid flew into the kitchen, eyeing the two of them suspiciously before he got onto the floor and glanced around to make sure that everything was still on the walls. The raccoons didn't really mind him acting like they were criminals, seeing as they were and they had already taken most of the valuable stuff out a few days ago. He'd find out in a couple days, hopefully when they were out of the house. He seemed satisfied and grabbed himself a bowl, Lifty and Shifty moving to sit at the dining room table whilst the hero made his breakfast. And cleaned up, of course.

''So what are you guys going to do for the rest of the day?" Splendid asked, floating over and sitting down at the table. Shifty quickly stuffed his mouth full of food to avoid talking to him. Lifty sighed a little before he spoke.

"Well, Sniffles is still fixing our van, so we might just hit up our usual haunts." Lifty shrugged, eating another spoonful of the tasteless cereal and getting not at all surprised when Splendid started to talk way too much.

"Alright. Well, he said he'd have it done by the end of the week so maybe we could stop by there later on and see. I mean, tomorrow till Saturday I'm kind of stuck at work, but I'll give him a call. He's usually really good with my stuff when I break it, kind of owe him some favors now that I think about it." He kept talking, but at that point Lifty's attention was diverted to Shifty, who was not so subtly nudging him.

Lifty raised an eyebrow at him, Shifty motioning his head towards the door and Lifty getting the message. He powered down the rest of his cereal, half paying attention to Splendid saying something about people he didn't really care about. Splendid shut up though when Shifty stood up, dropping his spoon loudly into his empty bowl.

"We're going out, be back later." Shifty spoke very matter-of-factly, making Lifty think that he was most likely still upset about this morning. Well, he usually calmed down when they were out focusing on other things. Lifty stood up and followed him to the kitchen, the twins dumping their bowls into the sink for Splendid to finish up later. Speaking of Splendid...

"You guys don't want a ride or anything?" Splendid looked at them both expectantly from the table, Lifty barely having the time to say 'fuck no' before Shifty spoke up.

"You don't have a car." Shifty rolled his eyes and headed towards the front door, Lifty following behind him with a shrug.

"He's right, Splendip. See ya later." Lifty waved a little to the disappointed-looking hero, the two of them soon walking out the door and to wherever it was Shifty was in the mood for. Given how tired Lifty still felt, he hoped it was somewhere quiet at least.

 **((A/N: Special props to my new buddy for helping me out with this one actually.))**


End file.
